Space Rescue One Page 12

  "Are you asking for mechanical assistance?" Shortner asked.

  "I'm embarrassed to admit it, but yes, Captain Shortner. We have the parts and tools. I just don't want my ship to end up like the Southern Pride when she died with a green crew on board."

  "I reckon that my off-duty mechanics might like to tinker with some engines besides theirs. Otherwise, it's strictly a tow that we can offer."

  "Ah, yes, I believe I understand. I'm sure the company will recognize my authority to contract them for their tinkering."

  "In that case, I'll put the question to them, Captain Sharpton."

  "Thank you, Captain Shortner. Thank you."

  ***

  Chief Dickson said, "We have one injured man on board. We're to render treatment while power is restored by Team Two since we're a man short. Flex suits everyone. Suit up."

  ***

  "I had to get stupid and try to fix it in the dark. Serves me right to get a busted up arm. Still, I'm pretty lucky to have a whole rescue team taking care of me," Chief Engineer Pournelle said.

  "Not quite a whole team. We're a man short," Chief Dickson said.

  "Ah, be easy there. It hurts. So, you're a man short. Sorry to hear that. How'd you lose him?"

  "He's not dead. Just some broken ribs he got on another mission. Right now he's warm and cozy on Earth Station One while we're out here working our asses off."

  "Well, if that's the case, I'd like to have hers after you leave."

  "I think he needs a tourniquet around the mouth," Shelly said.

  "Sorry, lady. Just joking to ease the pain. I thought you'd get the joke. Working your asses off? Get it?"

  "You'll get that tourniquet I suggested the next time I hear one like that," Shelly replied.

  "Maybe you ought to try that idea on Richard the next time we see him," Alex said.

  The Chief Engineer asked, "Is Richard the man you're short? Maybe I know him."

  "I doubt it. Sometimes, I'm ashamed to even admit I know him," Jimmy said.

  "Oh, I don't know. The Chief here is nearly as uncouth as Richard is," Shelly said.

  "No way, Shelly. He's not even a close runner-up to Richard when it comes to being a friendless bastard," Alex said.

  Chief Engineer Pournelle said, "Clearly, we're not talking about the same man, then. The Richard I knew was kind and friendly. He'd give the shirt off his back and smile about it. Everyone liked and respected him because he liked and respected everyone back."

  "Definitely not our Richard," said Jimmy.

  "Definitely not. No one likes Richard, except the bartender. I think that's only because Richard's a heavy customer," Alex said.

  ***

  Richard slept once more, if it could be called sleep, in the temporary room on Earth Station One while Space Rescue One went about its mission. Twice that first night, he woke up in a cold sweat while visions fought within his mind, tearing at it and his soul. The next two nights were just as bad. When he finished cleaning his clothing after the first night, he slept nude only to ease his laundry problem since he had only the one set of clothes for the time being. The rest of his limited wardrobe was on board the ship.

  He eased into the bar on the fourth night to take his regular seat. Damon came over soon after, shaking his head. "Richard, you're looking pretty bad. I can tell that you're not getting enough sleep."

  "You're right about that. I'm not. Does it show that much?"

  Damon answered, "Yes, it does."

  "Okay, then give me what I used to drink."

  "Are you sure?" asked Damon.

  "Please don't question or argue with me. I need it so I can sleep."

  "Sure, Richard. Coming right up. Mind if I talk with you since the bar's pretty empty?"

  "You can talk. I'll drink."

  A minute later, Richard tasted the liquor slide down his throat, burning its way through the visions in his soul and mind.

  "So, she dumped you, huh?"

  "No, I dumped her. I've got to be honest about that."

  Damon exclaimed, "Huh? You what? Are you crazy? She's a real catch. There's nothing fake or unreal about her."

  "I know that, but I can't burden her with me. I'm a cripple. Emotionally, that is. I can see that I am. I don't even need a mirror to see myself anymore. My eyes can stare backwards right into my skull. There's nothing left in me that's good anymore."

  "I don't buy that at all. I know you too well to believe any of that. You're still basically a good man inside. You've got to be willing to let the good in you get out."

  "That's easy for you to say. Then again, you don't have the blood of twenty men and women on your conscience."

  Damon exclaimed, "Say what? I thought you told me you didn't do anything bad?"

  "I didn't lie to you about that, Damon. What I did was to fail them when they needed me. I thought I could make it up to them. Now I'm not so sure anymore."

  "Make it up how?" asked Damon.

  "By becoming a rescue technician. I honestly thought I could make it up to them all for failing by taking on rescue work. Isn't that funny? I couldn't save them then and I can't save them or me now."

  "Richard, did you try to save them then?" Damon asked.

  "Yes, I tried, but I failed. I watched some of them die while begging for help. I couldn't get to them though I wanted to."

  "You froze up? Is that what happened?" Damon asked.

  "No, I didn't freeze up."

  "Then what happened? Why do you feel that you're to blame?" Damon asked.

  "Because I failed them. I saw it in their eyes. I heard it in their voices. I failed them."

  "No, I'm not sure I buy that, either. There's more that you're not telling me."

  "What more is there to tell?" asked Richard.

  "You could tell me what happened for a start. You're too close to the problem to judge it properly."

  "I'm the only person who can judge my actions that day. If I had the guts, I'd kill myself, but I won't. I deserve this punishment. It's the least I can do for them. No, I don't want another drink. I can't let it interfere with my penance. See you later, Damon."

  Chapter 8

  "Richard? Are you awake? Richard?" Shelly asked.

  "He's sleepwalking. Leave him alone, Shelly. He doesn't want anyone's help, anyway," Alex said.

  "You're wrong, Alex. He needs our help more than he knows. I couldn't see that before. Now I do. Help me steer him back to his bed."

  "Only because you asked me, Shelly. I'd just as soon he sleepwalked himself right out the airlock."

  "Don't be so cruel, Alex. You'll make yourself into just as bad a mental case as Richard is now."

  "Is that what you think it is?" he asked.

  She replied, "Can you think of anything else? I don't know why, but I suspect that we've never seen the real Richard. That's in hiding or locked away in a cell inside his mind. I'm sure the real Richard is struggling to get found or out. It's up to us to find him or help him find his way out. Aren't we supposed to be rescuers?"

  "I suppose so. Well, no, you're right. We are. You take that side. I'll take this side," Alex answered.

  "Thanks, Alex. I'll buy you a drink sometime soon to show my appreciation."

  Alex replied, "Uh, no, make it a dinner. I don't want to start drinking like Richard did."

  "Okay, a dinner on me sometime soon, it is."

  "Have you seen these scars he has?" asked Alex.

  She answered, "Yes, I've noticed them before. They're really deep and ugly looking sometimes. Almost as bad as his shaggy beard."

  "He went through something real bad to get these and live. You think they're connected?"

  "I've thought about that often. They probably are connected to his problem. However, Isaac, I mean, the Chief and I haven't been able to find any record of him being in an accident in his medical records."

  Jimmy exclaimed, "Shelly! I'm glad I found you. What's with Richard?"

  Shelly replied, "Shhh, Jimmy! He's sleepwalking. We're g
etting him back to his room. Why'd you want to find me?"

  "Damon at the bar asked me to give you a message. He wants to talk with you when you have the time," Jimmy replied.

  "Did he say what it was about?" asked Shelly.

  "Yeah, he did, but I don't want to say it now."

  Shelly said, "Okay, I'll talk with him later. Right now I'm going to see to it that Richard is put back to bed. You want to help us?"

  "I'm not sure. What if he wakes up with us around him? He'll get pretty mad," Jimmy replied.

  "He might hurt himself. Besides, we owe it to him because we're professionals. He's not the only person we ever treated who didn't appreciate us. Think of him that way. Then get your butt in gear and help," Alex said.

  ***

  "Ouch!" Shelly exclaimed.

  "You okay, Shelly?" asked Alex.

  She answered, "Yeah, I'm okay. I stubbed my toe on Richard's chest. Nothing serious to be concerned about."

  Jimmy said, "Okay, he's in bed."

  Shelly said, "Right. Make sure the safety strap is secure. We don't want him floating off if we leave and go into zero-g."

  ***

  "You wanted to talk with me?" asked Shelly.

  "Yes, but I'm breaking a tradition by doing so. You're probably the only person who can help Richard. I learned something the other night before your ship returned. Maybe you can use the information to break through the walls Richard has around him," Damon said.

  "What did you learn? Tell me everything. I do want to help him."

  Damon answered, "Well, he spoke to me about being responsible for the loss of twenty men and women. He didn't say how he was responsible, but he blames himself for their deaths."

  "Are you sure? That's awful."

  Damon answered, "I know it is. I asked him if he just froze, but he insisted that he didn't. For some reason, he didn't help those people. Apparently, that's why he became a rescue technician. He's trying to atone for his failure."

  "I guess that makes sense. Maybe that's why he never accepts thanks for saving someone's life."

  "Exactly. Maybe Richard doesn't believe he deserves it. Maybe he's trying to save as many as he lost. He even believes that he's a failure now in trying to atone for his failure. He said that if he had the guts, he'd commit suicide."

  "Suicide? Are you sure?" Shelly asked.

  Damon answered, "Yes, but he said that he wouldn't take the coward's way out of his punishment. He's deliberately punishing himself for not saving those people. He stated that he deserves punishment."

  "Poor man."

  "I know. Oh, one other thing. I once watched him step right into the middle of two men fighting each other while you were on a mission."

  "He didn't get hurt, did he?" Shelly asked.

  Damon replied, "No, they stopped fighting long enough for him to insult them. I was sure I was going to have my hands full with the three of them fighting, but when he began taking off his shirt to accommodate them, those men backed down. It was the strangest thing I ever saw. I'm almost positive that one man was going to punch him in the back, but he stopped suddenly for no reason. When Richard walked away, those two men were shaking each other's hands and sitting back down like buddies. Richard even bought them a round. I'm still not sure what happened or how."

  "That does sound strange. And they never hit him?" asked Shelly.

  Damon answered, "Not once. It sounds strange to me, but I think they recognized him from somewhere or another. They denied it and he denied knowing them. It's just that the way they talked to him as he put his shirt back in place was one of respect. I really couldn't hear everything they said. I seem to remember something about shipmates and survival, but I couldn't understand what they meant."

  "That's the golden rule. I know what that means."

  "You do? Would you mind enlightening me?" asked Damon.

  "Sure. You don't go out into space like we do. The golden rule is you look out for your buddies and they look out for you. No one is capable of being perfect all the time. The best and only way to prevent mistakes is to have more than one person check out something. If you're not willing to do it for your buddies, then why should they do it for you? You care about their lives and they'll care about yours."

  "I think I understand now. You can't survive without help."

  "That's it. In fact, that's something I remembered earlier tonight and put back into application. I hope I never forget that rule."

  "It sounds like a good rule."

  "It is. Believe me, it is. You break it out here, you might as well cut your throat and get the suffering over with."

  "Do you suppose that Richard broke the rule?" Damon asked.

  "I don't know. I might ask him the next time I see him if he's not in a foul mood."

  ***

  Shelly retired to her cabin. Sleep didn't come easily as she pondered what she learned. Somehow, learning that Richard held himself to blame for the loss of twenty lives was more than she figured on. Perhaps he was right earlier when he said he didn't deserve her attention. If he was right about that, did he even belong on the team regardless of his reasons?

  Tossing and turning, Shelly wondered how to handle the problem. It was enough to make her feel sick to her stomach. Worse yet, she didn't know the answers to any of her own questions.

  Tired of wondering, she finally climbed out of her bed and slipped on a robe, not that she was easily embarrassed if seen naked. She remembered being embarrassed about it only when she was seen leaving Richard's cabin. She was surprised, though, to see Richard naked earlier while sleepwalking. She knew he usually wore nightclothes or slept in his uniform. It was so unlike Richard to see him that way. As she thought about it, she realized that it was probably a signal that he needed help even more than before. But, had he violated the code? Did he deserve help from his shipmates? Shelly knew only one way to find out and walked to Richard's cabin.

  Shelly pushed the door open and slipped inside. She found a penlight inside her robe and hoped it still worked. The beam was weak, barely strong enough to see Richard lying on his stomach. Already, his body was soaked in his sweat. He strained against the safety strap, pushing upward with his back. Then to her amazement, she heard him speak in a strained voice.

  "Hurry! I can't hold it! You've got to hurry! Trust me! Come on! That's right! Run past me! That's one! Come on, hurry. I can't last here long. That's two! Please, please hurry! You're safer on the bridge. No! Don't run for the engine room! You'll die there. You there! Come on now. Have I ever lied to you? Trust me and run for the bridge! This beam is giving way. I can't hold it much longer! Please, listen to me. Yes, that's the way! Run for the bridge!"

  Then she saw him finally stop straining against the strap. His body collapsed onto the bed as he breathed deeply and slowly for a while. What did it mean? Shelly sat down next to Richard and allowed her mind to run over what he said. What was the beam he mentioned? Was it part of a bridge? No, it had to be a ship's bridge. He mentioned an engine room. She knew ordinary bridges don't have engine rooms. What happened to Richard occurred in space. From the sounds of it, it was a level one disaster, but there weren't that many level ones ever recorded. It certainly wasn't the one he broke his ribs in. As far as she knew, he'd only been involved in two level ones just as she had after they both joined the team. Then she remembered that what happened to him took place before he joined the team. How many level ones were there before the teams were created? Shelly wondered if there was any record on those.

  The crying began once more, tearing into Shelly's heart with a vengeance. She moved closer to him, sat on the edge of his bed, and put her hands upon his scarred back. She said softly, "There, there. You're all right now. The danger is over. You're all safe."

  Amazingly, he talked back in his sleep. "No, I failed. I couldn't convince them. I couldn't hold the beam long enough. It's my fault. They trusted me. . . and I failed them. I don't deserve to live."

  "Yes, you do. You did all you could. I'm
sure of it," she said without knowing whether she was right or not.

  His words turned back into sobs. Shelly continued to stroke his back gently, taking pride in touching his scars. Even without knowing the full story, she felt she knew enough to know that Isaac was right. There was a good man hiding inside Richard who wanted to be found and rescued. Shelly felt she'd found him finally. As she continued her gentle stroking, she wondered if she could figure out how to lead him out. He would remain locked in hiding unless she found the key. Without it, he'd eventually tear himself apart. He was worth saving. He was a shipmate and shipmates stick together to survive.